Hello all, am very pleased to say that I won an award at Sundays Variety Club Awards, I won Best Television Presenter which really did surprise me as I thought I was up for Best Comedy Act, so when David Walliams called out my name i was genuinely surprised. Even in his speech when he said ‘Not only is this man very funny, he’s also very funny to look at’ it still didn’t click, i thought it might be Sir Trevor McDonald. Anyway its lovely to get an award, and its very gracious of The Variety Club to nominate me. I’m dead chuffed.

To be honest, I was feeling a bit rough at the ceremony, I’d gone to visit a friend who was working in Lapland, no not the one near the North Pole, the one just off the A21, near Royal Tonbridge Wells. It was lovely to see the children enjoying the experience, the reindeers, fake snow, etc however I was put out when a woman came up to me and called me a ‘pervert’ which came as a complete shock although thinking about it, i was standing alone by the gingerbread cottage waiting for my friend to finish his shift. It really shocked me to be honest, and I didn’t know what to do, so I put my cock away and moved over to Santas Grotto. JOKE.

Seriously can i just say a big hello to everyone who I met in Royal Tonbridge Well’s premier Nightspot ‘Beluga’. It really was an experience, but to be honest I don’t think I’ll be back to Royal Tonbridge Wells. Looking at some of the clientele in Beluga, i think the ‘Royal’ was pushing it a bit and to be brutally honest quite misleading, in the same way ‘Great’ Yarmouth and the shop ‘Bon’ Marche is. I’ve a good mind to phone Watchdog.