COMMON SCENTS

Hello everyone, sorry I haven’t been blogging, i’ve been dead busy with my book signings. I’ve been Newcastle, Glasgow, Asda Headquarters, Leeds, Manchester you name it I’ve prostitued myself there. Thank you for all the people who’ve turned up, I appreciate it, and also for all the presents. Thankfully there wasn’t a dogging video to sign this time. In Bluewater someone had brought me ‘British Dogging 2’ video (i’ve sadly never seen the first one) and the cheeky sods had put ‘Its me Alan’ in a tipex speech bubble from a fat bespectacled man who just happened to be having his end away with a blonde woman with awful roots on a car bonnet. Charming, I wont tell you what was hanging out of his stone wash jeans, anyway, the wine and beauty products that you very kindly brought along are a nice touch although most of it had to be confiscated at the airport for security because of the crappy 100ml rule, (God, I hate Al Queda) yes they looked at my lemon and lime foot scrub and peppermint exfoliater as if it was the ingredients for a dirty bomb. I was going to swallow it like a drugs mule, but I guessed by the time it came out the other end, I think the lavender and musk scented candle would have lost its effect. Never mind. It was nice while it lasted.