All posts by Admin

RED NOSE DAY 2

Dont forget to watch Comic relief tonight – am hosting live with Fern from 10.30 (gulp) – we cant be as bad as Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood – can we?

RED NOSE DAY

Just watched ‘Comic Relief Does The Apprentice’. I was so nervous, we had filmed for three and a half days last October and we didn’t know what bits they were going to show. I had specifically told myself not to mince across that bridge in the opening credits but watching it, it seemed that my hips had gone the other way and were mincing even more furiously. It was less Apprentice more Americas next top model, well, if you squinted. Why hasnt anyone told me that i pull all those faces? Ive got the hardest working chins in show business, at one point i thought they were going to put a tyre around my head. God its grim seeing yourself on the telly anyway at least ive got my rapping to fall back on.

Boa Dia

Watcha!Boa Dia that’s Brazilian for hello, sorry i havent been blogging but have been in Rio De Janiero on holiday and it was amazing. I’ve always wanted to go there and I finally thought ‘Sod it’ im going to go. When you’re homosexual and you tell people that you’re going to Rio, people assume that you are going as a sex tourist. This wasn’t the case, I was going with my elderly neighbour Mrs. Bhabuta and with her needing 24 hour attention the chances of me disappearing up Sugarloaf mountain were very slim. The weather was oppressive and even though she is on a respirator she still wanted to go up the Christ and take in the view which is doubly strange because she’s a Muslim with glucoma but anyway if Mohommed wont go to the mountain.

I went down the gay beach, (i told Mrs. Bhabuta i’d popped out for a loaf), it really was a sight to behold. Men in the skimpiest briefs and muscles like you’d never seen, i had a great view, especially through the peepholes i’d drilled in my windbreaker. You’ve got to go love.

Boa Noche – thats good night in Brazil.

P.S They actually speak Portugese not Spanish so for the first few days I was greeting everyone with Ola and saying Adios with a wave of my Daily Star which of course gave the game away that I was actually a tourist and not a local. Damn.

GRACE JONES

I love Grace Jones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I saw Grace Jones at the Roundhouse in Camden on Friday and she was amazing, she hulahooped her way through Slave to the Rhythm, now that doesn’t happen everyday does it?

The designer Julian McDonald was there and said to me that we should go backstage to visit Grace as he had designed some of her stage outfits, initially I was against it as i hate those situations, standing there in their dressing room saying how great the show was, knowing full well they want to go home, put their feet up and have a cuppa, but i said ‘Yes, ok, lets go’.

There was a large crowd outside as you’d expect, and Julian minced straight to the front of the queue ‘Its Julian and Alan Carr to see Grace’. i heard a growl ‘five minutes’ come from inside, and after the five minutes of small talk with the bodyguards the door was opened by Simon LeBon, i know, well random! Me and Julian go in, she obviously recognises Julian, being an international fashion designer and all but sadly not me ‘Get out! Get out!’ she screams (with tights on her head) she grabs my arm and shoves me out her dressing room and with a loud slam I am banished from Grace’s inner circle – infront of the whole queue. Oh dear! Do you know though what I love her even more? What an anecdote, who else can say they’ve been manhandled by Grace Jones on a night out, well ok, quite a few, but it made my gist.

I’m warning all you divas only Grace can do that, I’m seeing Tina Turner in March and if that bitch even as much as gives me a dirty look i’m going to…….

Dont forget to watch me and JLC with Hollywood Legend Martin Sheen tonight on 4