Watcha!! Yes, its me again writing on my blog for the second time this year -(Oops! its nearly april). Anyway no-one reads it – i don’t know why i bother but hey it keeps me off the streets i guess. I’m halfway through my warm-up tour and boy have i seen some sights and done some things i have put them in no particular order for you to peruse at your own leisure…
1) Staying in dog friendly hotels and wondering if they’ll still be dog friendly after i leave with Bev (my dog). She’d ran out of my bedroom and stole this blokes croissant off his plate – looking at the size of the man i think Bev did him a favour.
2) Getting drunk with my support guy Josh Widdecommbe and tweeting that i would ‘follow’ everyone who ‘followed’ @joshwiddecoombe – i was expecting a few hundred people – 10,000!! Yep you read that right 10,000 people followed demanding that i ‘follow’ them IMMEDIATELY. Shit. Obviously impossible to do so didn’t do it – (my days of doing data entry are long gone love) yes i let my lovely tweeters down – sorry. A few days of abuse and moaning from twitter, i was dubbed a ‘TweetCheat’ can you believe that? After what happened in Japan and Libya i think people got a bit of perspective in their lives and moved on. Lets be honest, they’d only DM me – Are you Jimmy Carr’s brother? Or ‘Do you actually sound like that?’ If you couldn’t see that finding and following 10,000 people wasn’t a complete ball-ache for me then i don’t actually want you following me – weirdo!!
3) Arriving at Andover to find they had just sprayed the fields with manure – i actually thought the town was made of dog shit. (Lovely gig and lovely people though)
4) My dog running on stage at Maidstone and the audience thinking i was going to do a ‘Gin The Dancing Dog ‘routine.
5) Doing Comic Relief with Fearne, Claudia and Davina – what a brilliant night – although no lie, i had fallen asleep in the make-up chair just before going on – properly asleep – dribbling, the works. Lenny Henry ended up slapping me – mind you i do have one of those faces.
6) I’ve added another photo of me as Lady Gaga from the heat magazine shoot i did last year. Enjoy – don’t laugh at my love handles – i was ‘born this way’.
Hopefully see you on tour soon alan xxxxxx
Ok, ok its January 13th but i’ve been busy – alright? Good. Excited but slightly nervous about 2011 – loads and loads of ‘Chattymen’ and an Arena Tour, i’m swallowing sick as i write this.
Out of all the amazing things i did and people i met – there is one stand out moment for me and that was meeting Nanny Pat – (you know, the only person on ‘The Only Way Is Essex’ that doesn’t look like they moisturise with Kiora) what a lovely woman and guess what? She’d brought along her sausage plait – yum (she also does a veggie option just for the record).
My New Year Resolutions are as follows
1) Cut down on the demon drink
2)Dump toxic friends
3)Stop dressing as a woman
1) and 2) are obvious but 3), well it just seems more and more, for photoshoots i’m turning more towards a high heel than a flat, a pencil skirt than a jean and a bubble perm rather than a buzz cut – whats up with me!!. I’m a man i should be proud of that don’t you think? I don’t mean start badger baiting or bare knuckle fighting – just embrace my masculinity, well once i’ve done this ironing. Here goes.
Happy New Year Al x
What a busy July i’ve had – it seems to have just flown by. It was a strange but eventful month for me, i was accused in the papers of having my eyes lazered, teeth straigtened and a weave fitted, had dinner with the Beckhams, had a night out with Louie Spence and Kylie (finally) came on my Chattyman and destroyed a nibble tray comprising of Frazzles and pork scratchings – yes and before you ask – i do love namedropping!!! Look its not everyday you get to say to Posh Spice ‘Can you pass me the gravy?’ is it?
Took my goddaughters to Regents Park Zoo which was great although a little bit terrifying going into the monkeys cage to feed them – ever since i saw that woman whose face had been bitten off by that chimp – ive always been a little bit scared – i prefered them when they were fun, you know wearing berets and pushing pianos about badly mouthing ‘Its the taste’. Anyway the visit was a success, they enjoyed the nuts and dates we gave them, although thankfully none of them grabbed my weave and ran off with it – if they were going to do that – at least wait for me to get my camcorder £250 quid is £250 quid aint it?
Got some great guests lined up for Chattyman something for everyone i promise Ricky Gervais, Katy Perry, Davina, Robin Williams, Drew Barrymore, McFly, Olly Murrs, Paul O’Grady, The Killers…..the list goes on
Take Care Al x
I was watching ‘Four Weddings’ on my favourite channel Living and i funnily enough felt the urge to blog – it was the one with the Russian bride who had the eye infection, never mind – anyway hope you’ve been enjoying Chattyman – What a great start to the series Pammie, Russell Brand and the cast of Glee plus Plan B singing. – it doesnt get any better than that does it! Boy can Russell talk – we chatted for about an hour (normally its about 20 minutes per interview) – he was so entertaining he was like a verbal tsunami – i couldnt get my questions in – i thought ‘Christ – what was he like when he was ON drugs? One of my favourite guests by far.
Writing for my tour which is a major ballache – it always has taken me ages and the trouble being by the time ive written the tour half the material is out of date – and who wants to listen to a comedy routine centreing on the miners strike, Bejams and Jif.
It was my birthday last monday and Gok ( how lovely is this?) drove all the way from his home with a birthday cake, not only that, but a cake with my face on it. What a star! It was delicious and believe me readers i would have saved you a bit if i hadnt come down to find the last quarter disappearing down Bev’s gob – its quite surreal seeing your own dog chew on your marzipan glasses and haribo teeth, gulp it down and lick its lips. I went ahead and ate her dog food that’ll teach her.
Got some great names coming on soon Lily Allen, Kylie, The Cast of Twilight, Enrique, Kelis, Katie and Alex…..