Alright, alright i admit it – i’m shit at blogging – i’ve just gone onto my own website and seen that i haven’t blogged since July. Sorry, I’ve been busy as i’m sure you will all know who have read my tweets or seen SPEXY BEAST tour – i have been all over the shop working my bottom off. Thank you to everyone who has come and thank you for all the generous gifts that you have sent to me which have included in no particular order….
Cupcakes (with glasses drawn on the icing with biro!!!)
A figurine of a victorian lady
A balloonman of me and Bev
A hamper from Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem * (which included a dog bandana)
Various etchings of me in different poses – (I must have one of those faces and figures that people look at and go, ooh i must put pen to paper).
A fly swatter
*Ye Olde Trip To Jerusalem is a really ancient inn in Nottingham not a travel agent!
You really shouldn’t have – no really you shouldn’t have – only joking!! Thanks so much, it really fills me with joy (fear!) as i unwrap them to see whats inside.
Anyway, apologies for the short blog – no-one reads them anyway but I have to pack my bags for the next leg of the tour Sheffield, hmm! Ambre Solaire, parasol err maybe not.
By the way, glad you liked ‘Who Do You Think You Are’ i was so nervous about it – its just so personal and close to home that i couldn’t relax, but as it happened it didn’t turn out too bad i found out my great granddad was a deserter with a heart, look i’m pleased with that i was expecting serial killer or dictator.
‘Chattyman’ is back later this month so don’t worry it wont be long until you see my cute little face back upon your TV screens.
See ya Alan xx
Thanks so much for all those people who spent their hard earned cash on buying tickets to see little old me on my ‘Spexy Beast’ tour – it is very much appreciated and i promise you i wont let you down. It’ll be nice to return to the London O2 – although whenever the thought of it enters my head i do get a twinge in the groin area – my testicles still haven’t forgiven me for being suspended 50 feet above n-dubz in a wire harness at the Comedy Gala. Boy did it chafe and it still makes me walk a bit funny to this day – well, thats my excuse and i’m sticking to it.
See you soon wherever you live
Watcha!! Yes, its me again writing on my blog for the second time this year -(Oops! its nearly april). Anyway no-one reads it – i don’t know why i bother but hey it keeps me off the streets i guess. I’m halfway through my warm-up tour and boy have i seen some sights and done some things i have put them in no particular order for you to peruse at your own leisure…
1) Staying in dog friendly hotels and wondering if they’ll still be dog friendly after i leave with Bev (my dog). She’d ran out of my bedroom and stole this blokes croissant off his plate – looking at the size of the man i think Bev did him a favour.
2) Getting drunk with my support guy Josh Widdecommbe and tweeting that i would ‘follow’ everyone who ‘followed’ @joshwiddecoombe – i was expecting a few hundred people – 10,000!! Yep you read that right 10,000 people followed demanding that i ‘follow’ them IMMEDIATELY. Shit. Obviously impossible to do so didn’t do it – (my days of doing data entry are long gone love) yes i let my lovely tweeters down – sorry. A few days of abuse and moaning from twitter, i was dubbed a ‘TweetCheat’ can you believe that? After what happened in Japan and Libya i think people got a bit of perspective in their lives and moved on. Lets be honest, they’d only DM me – Are you Jimmy Carr’s brother? Or ‘Do you actually sound like that?’ If you couldn’t see that finding and following 10,000 people wasn’t a complete ball-ache for me then i don’t actually want you following me – weirdo!!
3) Arriving at Andover to find they had just sprayed the fields with manure – i actually thought the town was made of dog shit. (Lovely gig and lovely people though)
4) My dog running on stage at Maidstone and the audience thinking i was going to do a ‘Gin The Dancing Dog ‘routine.
5) Doing Comic Relief with Fearne, Claudia and Davina – what a brilliant night – although no lie, i had fallen asleep in the make-up chair just before going on – properly asleep – dribbling, the works. Lenny Henry ended up slapping me – mind you i do have one of those faces.
6) I’ve added another photo of me as Lady Gaga from the heat magazine shoot i did last year. Enjoy – don’t laugh at my love handles – i was ‘born this way’.
Hopefully see you on tour soon alan xxxxxx
Ok, ok its January 13th but i’ve been busy – alright? Good. Excited but slightly nervous about 2011 – loads and loads of ‘Chattymen’ and an Arena Tour, i’m swallowing sick as i write this.
Out of all the amazing things i did and people i met – there is one stand out moment for me and that was meeting Nanny Pat – (you know, the only person on ‘The Only Way Is Essex’ that doesn’t look like they moisturise with Kiora) what a lovely woman and guess what? She’d brought along her sausage plait – yum (she also does a veggie option just for the record).
My New Year Resolutions are as follows
1) Cut down on the demon drink
2)Dump toxic friends
3)Stop dressing as a woman
1) and 2) are obvious but 3), well it just seems more and more, for photoshoots i’m turning more towards a high heel than a flat, a pencil skirt than a jean and a bubble perm rather than a buzz cut – whats up with me!!. I’m a man i should be proud of that don’t you think? I don’t mean start badger baiting or bare knuckle fighting – just embrace my masculinity, well once i’ve done this ironing. Here goes.
Happy New Year Al x